Spoiler alert!
SO MUCH BIRTH!
SO MUCH DEATH!
SO MUCH WANKING!
What an opus of an episode.
I felt like I’d been plunged into the cold pool of a second season, rather than the back end of the first.
Speaking of plunging, that’s the exact verb to describe my heart after the tragic, all-too-early death of Ser Harwin Strong.
After recognising his talents last episode, all of a sudden BAM! There he was, ten years later but one hundred per cent more beefyl, more blue-eyed, more sexual, and oh-so-much-more curly-haired.
Slap my back and call me Heimlich because that guy just pulled a MANEOUVER on me.
Oh, Harwin, we Har(win)dly knew ye.
So imagine my disgust when I finally got my Harwin Hot Sauce simmering, only to watch it burn?
I should have known when the word “Harrenhal” dropped into conversation that things were likely to take a downward turn. But who would have thought fire NOT created by a dragon would be a problem in this show?
Meanwhile, we had quite the debut from young Aegon Targaryen.
It was the most shocking depiction of a blond royal teen going off a balcony since Tommund Baratheon.
I’ve only watched one or two episodes of Succession, but one of the things that turned me off pursuing it was the sight of Kieran Culkin disgorging his Gordon Gecko all over his Wall Street office window.
There’s just something about sky-high slapping the salami that does not sit right with me.
The positioning, the deliberate spillage, the “Tower of Pulling Power” fetish points to a disregard for fellow humans that surely suggests irredeemable narcissism.
Peter Jackson never showed it, but you can’t tell me Lord Saruman wasn’t polishing his staff right off the edge of Isangard on a daily basis. The Ents probably got there, stepped in some of “The White”, and buggered off again.
Unless that’s what all horny teen boys do in which case JESUS CHRIST you’re all weird hormonal boner monsters.
Don’t get me wrong - masturbation is normal and healthy and for boys and girls and everyone across the sexual spectrum. But I just can’t picture a lady standing on a ledge trying to buff the muffin at downtown traffic. Clearly the more protruding elements of male physiology allow the darkly creative mind to transform simple wrist actions into a performative statement of superiority and degradation.
Maybe this difference should be probed academically. You could call it Junk Science.
All I can hope is that there was nobody below him looking up at the time.
You’d hate to get Aegon your face.
All you really need to know going into this complex episode - apart from do not stand underneath Aegon’s balcony - is that we’re not in Kansas here anymore. We have no Dorothy (Jon Snow) and Toto (Ghost) to cling to. We’re left with the heartless, brainless and spineless, plus a few tongue-less for good measure. Everyone’s a right bit of a c***, really.
So what’s the point, if there’s no one to root for? (Or in Jon Snow’s case, hopelessly obsessing about rooting WITH?).
Well, power corrupts, sweeties. Is this episode all about the ways power corrupts?
Absolutely.
Let’s start by acknowledging the new titular characters: The Princess and the Queen. As anticipated all season, this is the big time jump of the story. Ten years have passed since that fateful wedding: Milly Alcock has grown into Emma D’Arcy; Emma Carey into Olivia Cooke.
All in all, it’s a well done transition, certainly physically: Rhaenyra’s fine features have grown fuller; Alicent’s youthful softness now polished and drawn, but they both echo their younger selves.
It’s the former’s face we see first, after some awkward moaning noises. It turns out to be Rhaenyra giving birth, rather than anything remotely sexy.
I know, I know, childbirth is beautiful, but the slimy sound effects of a fresh baby slithering out of Rhaenyra’s birth canal really did not do much to show the appeal.
Even worse was the prompt appearance of the placenta, which interrupted Rhaenyra’s dogged determination to take the newborn to the Queen herself, after Alicent demanded the bun be brought to her straight from the oven.
Laenor’s face shape is entirely different to that of the actor who played him ten years’ prior, and his youthful melancholy has spiralled into something resembling adult recklessness and naivety. At least he’s there to keep Rhaenyra upright and walk together towards the regal chambers. If the Queen insists on seeing the baby, she’ll at least have to feel bad about forcing the woman who just delivered it shuffle into the room.
“Hi, I came personally to destroy your parquetry.”
Alicent has the decency to be shocked at Rhaenyra turning up in person, but apart from making Rhaenyra sit down, she’s still hellbent on her quest to scope out the baby’s appearance for paternal likeness.
Again, I don’t know much about child-bearing, but I thought the newly-minted ones came out all red and gooey with scrunched up faces and pointy heads? My Gran (bless her dearly departed irreligious soul) spent three days in summer, in labour, with no drugs, IN IRAQ, to give birth to my Dad. Apparently his head was so distended after the process my grandfather fainted at the sight of him.
Apparently the bub’s small tufts of brown hair is enough to make Alicent shake her own locks in disbelief. “Keep trying, Laenor, eventually you might get one that looks like you,” is her best attempt at whispered congratulations to the “father”. OUCH.
The King, meanwhile, is ecstatic. “He’s sturdy, he’ll make a good knight,” he says of his grandson. Viserys looks the exact opposite of “sturdy”; he looks like a stiff breeze would brush the skin from his bones. He’s got lesions aplenty, and his hair has fully morphed into Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
No doubt he wishes he could do the Time Warp again, because WOW his wife and daughter have really ended up hating each other.
The Princess is not much impressed with her partner-in-lavender-marriage Laenor, either. He hastily named their baby boy “Joffrey” after his long-dead lover without consulting Rhaenyra first. When he implores her to remember Joffrey is their child, she icily retorts “Only one of us is bleeding.” It’s not a figure of speech either, as Laenor realises his wife has literally been leaving a bloody trail behind her. I guess you can’t depend on anything in Westeros, not even Depends.
Rhaenyra must hide her fury about the Queen from - as it turns out - her two elder children, born no doubt during the decade of marriage that’s happened off screen.
They’ve been waiting for their big brother reveal with… lusty intake of breath… Ser Harwin Strong.
Ohhhhhhhh
Our boy has been hitting the gym and really worked to fill out that upper body since we last saw him fishing Rhaenyra out of the dance floor melee in the throne room. Or maybe it’s just the effect of the armour, as he is now the Commander of the City Watch.
Many meaningful eye glances make it obvious that Ser Harwin Strong is in fact the father of Rhaenyra’s beautiful brown-haired boys. She’s done a Cersei Lannister before Cersei Lannister, with the admirable difference being that in getting knocked up by Ser Harwin instead of her cousin Ser Laenor she’s actually AVOIDED incest, so you know, take the wins where you can get them.
This was the first introduction to the many, many children now involved in dynastic affairs of Westeros.
Ser Laenor sends his eldest two sons (wink wink) back to the Dragon Pit to continue their training. The eldest is Jacerys (“Jace”) and the younger is Lucerys (“Luke”) and we’re pretty excited their nicknames make them sound like Beverley Hills 90210 actors.
Should’ve gone with Brian for the third, not Joffrey.
I’ve got to say, the CGI dragon work was beautifully done. It helps that the pit is shrouded in darkness, but still, Vermax looks convincingly terrifying, despite his smaller size. Jace is taught that he must maintain control over Vermax until the dragon is fully bonded to him. Once that occurs, the dragon will only take orders from him. He’s clearly not fully fluent in High Valyrian yet either, as the old dragon handler needs a translator to get his instructions across.
There is one word he’s keen to say, and I think we all knew what that was going to be as soon as that poor billy goat was trotted out for Vermax’s lunch. I’m sure I’m not the only one who had a Jurassic Park flashback.
For some reason after this all the adults in the room just buggered off with the dragon, allowing Aegon, Jace and Luke to pull a nasty yet possibly appropriate prank on Aemond, Aegon’s younger brother.
With a permanent pout and massive chip on his shoulder, Aemond definitely has a touch of the Draco Malfoys about him. It’s here we also start learning a bit more about the dragon-rearing process. We’ve been told every Targaryen baby gets a dragon egg to be placed in the cradle with them, in the hope they will hatch at the same time and therefore be bonded from the very beginning.
But it’s not a foolproof procedure. We learn later many eggs simply never hatch, and those kids must find another way to become a dragon rider. Aemond is one of them, and it clearly burns him up that his brother and his half-nephews (I think? Aegon and Aemond are Rhaenyra’s younger half-brothers, so her kids would be their half-nephews, no matter who their father?) do.
And so he’s tricked into believing Aegon, Jace and Luke have found him a dragon of his own - but it turns out to be “The Pink Dread” - a lovely chubby pig with fake wings.
I mean, it’s a good prank, but one look at Aemond’s face and you realise that if you want sociopaths, this is how you get sociopaths.
Aemond even gets tempted to go deep into the pit looking for the beasts, but scarpers when he narrowly avoids a fate similar to the goat’s.
It’s not the first time either, as Alicent rips into Aemond once he’s dragged up to her room by a guard. “They gave me a pig!” he cries by way of excuse.
It turns out Viserys and Alicent had a daughter too - who knew?!?! This is Helena, who has a fascination with creepy-crawlers and is quite possibly touched by prophetic abilities, given her oddly specific comments about Aemond.
She knows he’d been in the dragon pit before he confesses; when Alicent promises Aemond he will have a dragon one day she says “He’ll have to close an eye” which is ominous. She does all this while caressing a giant centipede-type critter, which is even more ominous.
“The centipede tells me just how f***ed we all are.”
Viserys is less sympathetic to Aemond’s plight, and perhaps more importantly, more perceptive about who initiated it. Viserys suggests Aegon did it, while Alicent blames Rhaenyra’s “savage” sons, because of course she would. It leads her into bringing up the illegitimate elephant in the room; namely that Rhaenyra’s sons are not Laenor’s.
Viserys really is all in on Rhaenyra at this point. He waves away the lack of physical similarities to Laenor by comparing his grandsons to the chestnut foal of a black horse he once accidentally let get mounted by a silver stallion.
Alicent’s response is great. “How do you know? Did you see those horses actually f***ing, you old coot?”.
But Viserys isn’t rolling with it. “The consequences of an allegation like the one you toy at would be dire,” he responds, and I don’t just think he means Rhaenyra’s disgrace and her sons’ disinheritance. I think he’s got the future of Westeros in mind. He’s told her the prophecy, he’s committed her to the secret work handed down from Aegon the Conqueror, and he will not relent.
That doesn’t stop Alicent venting her frustrations to her supportive bestie, Ser Criston Cole, and HOOOO BOY WHAT A CRACKING PIECE OF CRAP he’s turned out to be.
I’m so disappointed, particularly since he’s lost the demi-mullet in the decade since we last saw him punching Joffrey Lonmouth to death, and he looks SO much better.
“Didn’t I tell you? Oh yeah, I’m trash now.”
But sounding off on Princess Rhaenyra as “brazen and relentless, a spider who stings and sucks her prey dry, a spoiled c***” is A STEP TOO FAR BUDDY.
Both Ser Criston and Queen Alicent realise that, and he apologises. Alicent insists that honour and decency will prevail…
… and we cut to her eldest son Aegon tossing his salad on the windowsill.
At least Aegon’s conquering… his fear of heights?
This goes on for a surprisingly awkward length of time, which seems counter to what pop culture has often portrayed about the, ahem, staying power of teenage boys.
His fall backward into a pile of pillows upon being busted by his Mum was well choreographed, as was his smooth attempts to pretend nothing had happened by pulling blankets up around his waist.
You get the sense this is nothing new for Alicent, and while a healthy acceptance of personal autonomy and exploration is to be encouraged by parents, I would be in favour of her suggesting perhaps Aegon not “Send a raven to the Fingers” in quite such a high-wire way.
For his part, Aegon, aged 13 and three-quarters, can’t see the bigger picture about messing around with his half-nephews at the expense of his own brother. Jace will be king after Rhaenyra? Fine, he won’t challenge, and he won’t be at risk.
“You ARE the challenge, Aegon!” his mother explodes, jabbing her jewelled fingers into his bony, hairless chest. “Simply by living and breathing!”
Alicent is clearly trying to get through to her son the way Otto got through to her, and prepare her son for his eventual role as King. Except Otto didn’t have to tell Alicent to put some bloody clothes on after their chats.
There’s more machismo to deal with when all the boys get together for some courtyard training under the watchful eye of Ser Criston Cole. He’s so icy towards Rhaenyra’s sons he really should be Ser Criston COLD, amirite?
He definitely favours training Aegon and Aemond over Jace and Luke, as they all smack away at straw men like argumentative twats on Twitter.
Viserys, of course, is loving watching along, seeing as another example of his big happy family working together for a glorious future. He’s accompanied by his Hand, who’s really seen his hairline head north of The Wall in the intervening decade.
Aegon is shaping up to be a little bit too full of himself, making saucy eyes at unimpressed serving girls in the courtyard and telling Ser Criston his pretend enemy has asked for mercy.
Could he get any more punchable?
To curb his arrogance, Criston has both blond boys come at him, and fends them off easily with his own wooden sword. Did this moment given anybody else a whiff of Syrio Forel sparring with Arya Stark? Sigh. I’m still sad the First Sword of Braavos didn’t make the ultimate cameo in Season 8 of Game of Thrones. Swinging in on a rope next to Arya and saying “What did I tell you to say to the God of Death?”
Anyway, forget that for the minute, because it turns out fresh hunk Ser Harwin Strong has taken an interest in proceedings, and castigates Ser Criston for not showing Rhaenyra’s boys enough attention.
“All right bro,” huffs Ser Criston, and pairs the bigger blond boys up against the smaller brunette ones, and sasses the Commander of the City Watch for suggesting it’s an unfair size pairing. Ser Criston is firmly back on Alicent’s boys’ side now, given Aegon tips for hurting his smaller opponent.
By contrast, Jace seems to have a sweet pep session with Harwin, who puts his hand under his chin and makes the young boy grin.
The boys re-engage, and Ser Criston yells at Aegon to keep advancing on Jace to the point of kicking him to ground and continuing to strike.
“Enough!” yells Harwin, efficiently and dreamily wrenching the wooden sword - and attached arm - back around the kid’s head.
“Is this what you teach, Cole? Cruelty to the weaker opponent?” He gathers up the wooden swords in disgust, but Cole has a verbal blow ready to deliver.
“Most men would only have that kind of devotion to a cousin… or a brother… or a son.”
BOOM.
Ser Harwin lets loose, pounding Criston multiple times in the face, in a nice reversal of Criston’s own red mist moment at Rhaenyra’s wedding.
“Say it again! Say it again” Harwin screams as he’s pulled off the Cole. “Thought as much,” laughs the Kingsguard through spits of blood.
I must admit this made me so sad, and a little bit unimpressed by Ser Criston’s inability to move on, dude.
His wounded pride at being told Rhaenyra valued the crown more than a runaway life with him has ossified into bitterness and jealousy at Ser Harwin’s elevated status as clearly the sexist man in King’s Landing.
Is it ironic that Ser Criston’s own early strengths were erased by a Strong?
Rhaenyra is attempting basic parenting when news comes of the incident in the courtyard. She rushes through what seems to be a secret passageway to Harwin’s quarters only to hear his father has got there first, and is tearing strips off him.
Ser Harwin’s strongarm tactic in the courtyard has basically confirmed to everyone that he is in fact Rhaenyra’s stud (and how!). He dismisses it as rumour, but his Dad is furious, saying it shames their whole House. Rhaenyra plods back to her chambers, sore boobs in hand, pondering her next move.
Comic relief shows up in the guise of Laenor, and his new friend Qarl. Yes, that’s right, Lenny and Qarl.
Laenor is drunk, and excited that war is gathering in the Stepstones. He sees it as a chance to go back to sea and get the wind in his sails again, but Rhaenyra is not impressed.
“Are you a completely f***ing stupid idiot tosser d***head, you nonce?”
He says he’s played his role in their lavender marriage well and is owed something… but Rhaenyra calls him on his bullshit. He’s had all the fast horses, sweet wines and lusty boys he wanted, and she’s held up her end of the bargain. Now it’s his turn to step up and ensure their sons’ reputations are not tarnished.
“The wise sailor flees the storm as it gathers,” he says, forcing Rhaenyra to pull the “Princess and Heir to the Throne” card and command him to stay in King’s Landing.
Let’s now take a diversion across the Narrow Sea to Pentos, where Matt Daemon resides comfortably along with his wife Laena Velaryon, their two daughters, and unborn child.
They’re first seen flying together: Daemon on Caraxes of course, and Laena on Vhagar, an impossibly large dragon that seems to dwarf Daemon’s own.
This is the first time we’ve seen Laena flying, and it’s interesting that it’s Vhagar. Back when she was a 12-year-old potential bride for Viserys, she asked him about Vhagar, and where she now nested. Viserys responded that dragon keepers believed Vhagar made a home somewhere on the coast of the Narrow Sea.
Later we find out that Laena didn’t have a dragon until she was 15 years old, which suggests possibly Daemon helped her find and bond with Vhagar somewhere after his disappearance from Rhaenyra’s wedding? That’s where they first started flirting, after all.
We saw them last dancing at Rhaenyra’s wedding, with Laena doing the chasing as Daemon chased his niece. Now they’re chasing each other on dragons; with Daemon even going hands-free, like Kevin Costner on that horse at the start of Dances With Wolves.
“Please let me make a Robin Hood movie!”
In a stunt to impress the crowds below, Laena instructs Vhagar to fire up a storm, and Daemon and Caraxes sail right through it untouched. Fire cannot kill this dragon either.
That is one big flying lizard.
The stunt works, as in the following dinner scene we next see the pair being sucked up to by Prince Reggie of Pentos, who’s spittle-licking makes Wayland Smithers seem like Margaret Thatcher. I honestly thought he was going to blow his load over the canapes.
It turns out the Triarchy, that conglomeration of malicious city-states and pirates, have done a Duran Duran and reformed to tour again. Reg is ready to sign over half of Pentos if Daemon, Laena and their dragons will stay and protect them from their enemies.
Laena turns down the proposal, but Daemon silences her with a hand grab. He’s considering the move, an idea she later rejects as being beneath them. The blood of Old Valyria, the descendants of Aegon the Conqueror and dragon riders - their future surely is grander than mercenaries for hire?
Prince Daemon says little this episode, but broods a lot. He’s also incredibly rude to Laena, making it clear when he wants her to shut up and let him get on with his extensive historical reading. It’s up to heavily pregnant Laena to provide emotional support for their daughters, particularly the younger one who fears her lack of a dragon will mean her ostracisation.
It’s Laena who tells Daemon that Rhaenyra has had another son, and even though it’s at the expense of her own brother, she laughs at his joke about the child resembling the Commander of the City Watch. She also tells him that if he really did like Pentos, he’d involve himself more in city life, and probes him about missing Westeros.
Tragically, she also tells him that she realises she isn’t the wife he might have chosen for himself, but she’s made her peace with that.
This comes back to haunt Daemon when Laena goes into labour. In a scene reminiscent of Queen Aemma’s doomed delivery in episode one, Laena’s baby is stuck with no possible hope of a successful, natural birth.
Her midwife, or doctor, or whatever the correct term is, tells Daemon he has reached the limit of his art. They could try for a ceasarian, but the child might not survive, and Laena certainly will not.
Somehow in the few seconds while Daemon absorbs this information, Laena manages to lift herself up from the childbed and stagger outside to where Vhagar, her giant loyal dragon, lies resting.
Howling in pain, she yells “Dracarys” over and over, urging the beast to give her the dragonrider’s death she told Daemon she wanted earlier in the episode. The death that she deserved. For as Queen Aemma said, women’s bodies are their battlegrounds. Whether Laena knew about the circumstances of Aemma’s death we don’t know, but clearly she wanted to go out on her own terms, and made it happen.
The sound of Vhaegar wailing in denial was heartbreaking! She clearly did not want to carry out her mistress’ orders, but also recognised Laena’s hopeless situation.
Daemon made it outside in time to see his wife, this woman who has birthed and mothered two daughters while he remain wrapped up in his own ego, make the decision to die in power, rather than in pain.
I hope her sacrifice is enough to make him realise she was right - that he is more than a prince on the run.
Either way we’ve lost another badass female character after only getting to know her briefly. Biology has once again brought down an intelligent mind and spirited soul.
Farewell, Queen.
Let’s return to Westeros, where things are going from bad to worse for Rhaenyra.
It’s pretty cool that both she and Alicent are on the Small Council. No doubt Rhaenyra as heir would have insisted, and Alicent in return would have insisted that if Rhaenyra was there, she should be there too as Queen, and Viserys being the people-pleaser would have said yes.
Certainly the two seemed pissed off with each other over the way to handle an ongoing dispute between the Brackens and Blackwoods (which were the families of those two chaps who fought at Rhaenyra’s engagement tour).
There’s a few other new faces around the table, and some looking a bit worse for wear. Lord I’M COVERED IN BEESbury seems to have memory loss issues, while Grandmaester Mellos is not there at all, which might indicate he’s dead.
Random theory time - there’s another, younger, Maester on the Council. I can’t remember his name but I think he’s the same chap who suggested using herbal poultices on Viserys’ lesions last week, only to be shot down by Mellos.
What if this chap actually became Grandmaester and then changed Viserys’ treatment? That might account for how the bugger is still alive in this episode, as he was constantly collapsing in the last one and didn’t look long for the world. Also, his lesions are still present but not suppurating, and he doesn’t appear to have lost more limbs - perhaps the new treatments helped halt his weird leprosy thingy?
Tyland Lannister is keen to discuss the Stepstones, which bums Viserys out. Alicent lays the blame for the re-emergence of the Triarchy on Daemon leaving the region unattended despite his “King of the Narrow Sea” title.
But Rhaenyra is quick to defend her favourite uncle. She says the crown should have acted, building defences and shoring up its naval presence. Alicent pulls a bureaucratic move that her father would be proud of - she questions the cost.
Then Rhaenyra does that classic work meeting move of bringing up a new issue just when everyone is desperate to break for lunch.
Just as Viserys moves to dismiss the meeting, his daughter rises to address Alicent, apologising for any grief she’s caused her stepmother, and extending the hand of friendship (without actually extending her hand at all, eww).
Rhaenyra also makes two offers: a dragon egg for Aemond should her own dragon Syrax produce a clutch; and the offer of a marriage between her eldest son Jace and Alicent’s daughter Helena.
Once more we need to pause and work out the incestuous connection of such a match. It would be marrying off Viserys’ daughter to his grandson, Rhaenyra’s half-sister to her own son. So an aunt and nephew, technically? Is it a Jon/Dany situation?
Either way, Alicent is not having it. She uses Rhaenyra’s leaking breasts to bring the conversation to a close, despite Viserys nearly fist-pumping the proposal.
She storms off telling Viserys she won’t have her only daughter married off to one of Rhaenyra’s “plain-featured” sons, a polite term for “bastard”.
Lord Lyonel Strong (aka Steven Toast) follows the pair back to Viserys' room, where Alicent fusses around him with blankets and tries to get him to rest.
But Strong is determined to speak to the King, because he feels obligated to resign. His son’s outburst has made his position untenable, and Harwin’s subsequent expulsion from the City Watch is not punishment enough for Strong family.
“How do you tell a man you share grandchildren with him?”
Viserys won’t hear it. Strong has been loyal and selfles in his role as Hand - which is true! Remember back on the hunt when he suggested marrying Rhaenyra to Laenor, even when Viserys thought he was going to suggest Harwin? He bloody well SHOULD have suggested Harwin, and maybe we could have avoided this whole situation!
Before he realises what he’s doing, Lyonel says a shadow has fallen over his house and he can no longer serve with integrity. Alicent realises immediately what this means, but Strong refuses to spell our “Our kids have been f***ing” the King. Viserys therefore refuses to accept his resignation. Strong doesn’t fight this, but does ask if he can leave court for a while to take Harwin back to their family seat of Harrenhal so he can start assuming lordly duties there.
“Aren’t you going to help me?” Viserys asks Alicent after Strong leaves the room.
Her response is to storm out, the words “F** off” unspoken but very clearly hanging in the air.
The pacing of this episode is very well done, because it’s at this point - with Alicent storming out only to notice servants observing her with a sly giggle - that I had the most sympathy for the Queen.
I like Rhaenyra’s spunkiness of course, but there’s no denying she’s made some colossal errors by not at least trying for one kid with Laenor. I appreciate it wouldn’t be fun for either party, but clearly everyone has noticed that Jace, Luke and now Joffrey are not exactly typical Velaryons.
But then it’s revealed that she’s made her own pact with the devil, aka Lord Larys Strong.
Quick question: how is Larys Strong a Lord when Harwin is a Ser? Surely Harwin is the elder, if he’s inheriting the family seat? Surely “Lord” is the greater title?
I’m not sure whose room they meet in, but clearly Larys is very comfortable there, and very happy to get stuck into the pie.
He’s become a confidante and adviser to the Queen, with gossip going both ways. She vents about Viserys not accepting Strong’s resignation, and her wish that Otto was still around to speak the truth to the king.
Larys rightly questions her desire for her father to still be Hand, saying he would not be impartial either, “No, but he would be partial to me!” It’s an incredibly revealing moment that shows Alicent’s desperation to assert power.
However she takes it a step too far with her next utterance:
“In all of King’s Landing, is there no one to take my side?”
Ahhhhhh, now that sentiment sounds familiar, doesn’t it, fellow medieval English history nerds?
Rather than look up the deterioration of the friendship between Henry II and Thomas Beckett, maybe just watch this version of the history explained by Brian Blessed in The Black Adder:
Alicent’s loneliness and frustration has blinded her to Larys’ obvious self-interest.
She makes no direct orders, but she emboldens Larys enough to take some drastic action.
He convinces some death row inmates to do a job for him in return for clemency. The fact that a random lord can just release prisoners sentenced to hang is a shocking indictment on Westeros’ penal system, but no time for that right now.
Because Harwin - having taken reluctant leave of Rhaenyra and her children - has ridden home to Harrenhal, the legendary castle burned by Aegon the Conqueror’s dragon Balerion as part of the Targaryen conquest.
And, after Larys’ goons start fires throughout its stone walls, the castle burns once more.
Lord Lyonel is woken by the sound of his son screaming amid the flames. Wooden struts fail and Westeros’ Hottest Man is reduced to ash.
This is not fair. Look at that.
The montage of scenes that close out the episode - the removal of bodies from Harrenhal, Daemon unable to comfort his daughters after Laena’s death, and Viserys crying over the memory of Aemma while more rats scurry around his chambers - are all set to a chilling declaration by Larys that children and love are a weakness, robbing parents of their ability to truly do what is right lest it risk their chance of immortality through their offspring.
Or to put it simply, “Love is a downfall.”
It’s a great speech, and certainly the first we’ve had to compare to Littlefinger’s “Chaos is a ladder” declaration from Game of Thrones.
Of course, it’s Alicent who’s hearing the speech, now realising Larys’ club foot is the least twisted thing about him.
Holding her hand around her throat, she’s squirming like only someone who knows how dramatically they done f***ed up can.
“The Queen makes a wish… what servant of the realm would not strive to fulfil it? I assume you will write to your father now?” Larys is keen for Otto’s return, it seems, and is willing to dispatch his own father and brother to get it.
“I did not wish for this,” she croaks out.
“I feel certain you will reward me. When the time is right.”
And thus Alicent’s relative purity is scarred forever. She cannot sit in judgment on Rhaenyra having bastard children while she has been party to the murder of their father. She claimed to Ser Criston that she hoped honour and decency would prevail; but Larys has proved when when you play the Game of Thrones, there is no honour and decency.
You win or you die.
Yay! Best Moments
In hindsight I think an understated but gracious sequence was Harwin farewelling Rhaenyra, Jace, Luke and Joffrey. There was so much meaning in so few words. Then, as Strong departs, young Jace just comes out and cuts through all the bulls*** and euphemism and asks “Is Harwin Strong my father? Am I a bastard?”
Rhaenyra is almost struck dumb. “You are a Targaryen. That is all that matters.” It’s true, he is a Targaryen. But it may not be all that matters.
It’s followed up by Rhaenyra making peace with Laenor, and deciding they should leave the gossip at court and go to Dragonstone. When Laenor questions whether that will give Alicent too much influence over Viserys, Rhaenyra throws his nautical wisdom back at him: “The wise sailor flees the storm as it gathers.”
Also - she encourages him to bring Qarl! Yay for more adventures of Lenny and Qarl!
Zing! Best Lines
Viserys: I do hope the labour was easy.
Rhaenyra: “I think I called the midwife a c***.”
Viserys: Oh. (They embrace)
Ewww, gross
The shot of the criminal’s tongue being sliced away was almost too lovingly done. We really saw that thing come off. Not to mention Larys stroking his cheek gently while observing the process. I think I pulled a muscle from the shuddering.
Also, Larys seems to have adopted some sort of bug sigil? It’s on his walking stick, and on a pin the bandits wear on their mission to attack Harrenhal. Is it a bee? He does love sniffing those hibiscus flowers after all.
Boo, sucks
I’m almost… wistful… about never seeing Harwin and Rhaenyra’s love affair in more than just exchanged glances and smiles. Clearly it was an enduring one, given she’s got three kids out of it. It makes complete sense the way they staged it, but gosh it would have been nice to see Ser Harwin and Rhaenyra have a sex scene like she and Criston did. I realise I’m a perve, but hey, it was a romance with absolutely no blood relation, so you’ve got to take these opportunities when you can.
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