Spoiler alert!
There’s an argument to be made that the phrase “YAS QUEEN” has been so overused in mainstream parlance that it has lost its spirited origin from African-American and queer vernacular use.
But I say THANK YOU to those daring linguistic adventurers because there was no other way my brain could process what was happening in the final moments of this episode without a loud, hearty and sustained bellowing of said phrase.
YASSSSSSSS QUEEEEEEEENNNNNNNN!
Oh, kittens, what a glorious sight, to see The Queen That Never Was literally crash The King Who Shouldn’t Be’s party in the most badass way.
And hey remember how I was unimpressed with the teenage Aegon’s propensity to milk the trouser snake out of windows?
In good news - or perhaps, terrible news - he’s been totally outcreeped by Ser Larys Strong.
Look, I don’t want to shame anybody about having a foot fetish. As someone with a fractured right ankle still firmly encased in a moonboot, I am mighty jealous of anyone with two working hooves. Hell, I wish I had the kind of good-looking trotters that were worthy of an entry on Wikifeet.
But trading inside information for a glimpse at an instep? That’s just pulling your leg.
All in all, this episode left me feeling rather sorry for Queen Alicent. Everywhere she looks, she’s surrounded by wankers.
And she’s at the heart of this week’s episode, which is all about the usurpation of the Iron Throne by Hightower-allied forces.
It’s the pre-dawn and a cool wind blows through the Red Keep, as birds chirp and dragon-shaped torches flame in the gloom.
A young lad leaves the king’s chambers and makes his way through the corridors and halls, made ever more cavernous by the silence.
The only place with any activity is the kitchen, where the boy passes a message to Talya, Alicent’s handmaiden.
She then alerts Alicent to what we already know: that Viserys I Targaryen, First of His Name, King of the Andals, the First Men and the Rhoynar, is no more.
Alicent has the grace to weep, but it is not for long. It may be the end of an era, but Alicent definitely has work to do.
Her first port of call is to her father, the Hand of the King. His response is to ask who knows, for he knows there is much work to do.
As Talya lights a series of candles in a specific pattern in the bedroom window - a signal to her other boss, Magical Mysteria Tour - Alicent tells Otto that Viserys’ last words were an entreaty to make their son Aegon the next king.
Again, Alicent is an unreliable narrator here. We know she misunderstood Viserys’ dying declaration, which he meant for Rhaenyra. Even Otto seems disbelieving first - but whether it’s true or not doesn’t really matter. The fact that Alicent believes it will make the next stage of his plan easier.
The Small Council is called, and Tyland Lannister’s jokes about being roused too early go down like a lead elephant when Otto informs them the King is dead. When he repeats Alicent’s assertion about Aegon, Tyland buoys back up. “Awesome - initiate Operation Usurp!”
As Otto starts barking orders, Alicent, Harrrrrold, and Lord I’M COVERED IN BEESbury do their best impressions of those maths equations memes.
They can’t get no respect.
“Now wait just a gosh darn second,” Alicent interrupts. “You’ve been plotting behind my back?”
The dude on the Small Council whose name I still haven’t figured out admits to it, but says it was only because they didn’t want to stress her out. Politics is such a dirty business, isn’t it? Best not involve the womenfolk, particularly if they might have an Opinion on it.
Six-and-seventy year old BEESbury stands up to roundly yell at everyone for betraying the anointed heir, Rhaenyra.
“And another thing…I’d like to ban people standing behind other people at these meetings.”
The Grandmaester tells him to shush, but BEESbury is on a roll. “Seizure! Theft! Treason!” he shouted, before going on to raise serious allegations that somebody on the Council poisoned Viserys.
Before he can continue, SER CRISTON COLE BLOODED KILLER grabs him from behind and shoves his left temple into the little ball marble ball thingy on the table. They’ve all had one of these during meetings, and I’ve never really known what it was for. Now we do - it’s a murder ball.
How could anyone so callously murder the divine Lord I’M COVERED IN BEESbury like that? Bill Paterson deserves better! At least he lasted longer in this series than in The Sandman.
There was such dark comedy in this moment. The way the Grandmaestor reached over and slightly pushed BEESbury to see if he was really dead; the way Alicent covered her mouth in surprise, then rolled her eyes in an “FFS” motion.
Harrrrrold draws his sword and demand Ser Criston stand down. “No one insults my Queen!” he pouts, and if it wasn’t for his sword, you’d expect him to add a “milady” and doff his fedora.
“Put your damn sword away, numbskull,” Alicent responds, and the pair stand down.
The Grand Maester diplomatically suggests they have the body of BEESbury removed before the blood from his head wound spills across the entire table.
But Otto is adamant. “He stays until we sort this shit out.” We get it, Otto, it’s a power move, a lesson to others to shut up or they can join BEESbury in the ultimate nosebleed section. Still, pretty gross.
Honestly, how could anyone so callously murder the divine Lord I’M COVERED IN BEESbury like that?
Alicent knows what this plotting means for Rhaenyra, Daemon and their mixed brood of bairns, but she makes the conspirators admit it. Otto calls it a “sacrifice”, and even the Grand Maester agrees that having a living rival to Aegon will mean trouble, and he’s supposed to be someone who tries NOT to kill people.
Rhaenyra will never know it, but I’m glad in this episode Alicent tries to achieve succession for Aegon without killing off the other wing of the family. Otto will later throw it back at her, saying she just wants to save her childhood friend, to which I say… YEAH! GOOD ON HER! She’s at least PAUSING TO THINK before ordering the death of a one-time bestie and many children! Alicent may be acting poorly, but at least she’s trying something, and even if she’s lying to herself, it’s nice that she’s making the effort to pretend.
Still, she can’t really come up with an alternative plan beyond “The King did not want the murder of his daughter.”
So Otto instructs Harrrrrrold to go to Dragonstone with other Kingsguard and “be quick and be clean”.
In a BOSS move reminiscent of Ser Barristan Selmy in Game of Thrones, Harrrrrrold tears off his White Cloak, and says “F*** this noise”. He obeys only the King, so until you find a new one, he’s done.
Alicent and Otto storm into Aegon’s room to find him, but only Helena and their TWO TODDLER CHILDREN are there.
Sorry, I just need a moment to get over the fact that Alicent - all of maybe 37 at this point? - is a grandmother to the incestuous children of her own son and daughter.
I just need a minute.
Helena is still keen on creepy-crawlies - as evidenced by her spider cross-stitch - but she has no idea where the biggest creepy crawly, Aegon, might be.
As Otto storms off, Alicent attempts to tell Helena about Viserys, but she pushes her mother away with a premonition.
Then Aemond turns up, and even though he might be down an eye, he can see the situation as clear as day.
Ser Larys Strong, aka “The Firefly” has made an unwelcome reappearance after keeping his SMUG BUG MUG off our screens last week.
He’s rounding up what appears to be all the servants of the palace, likely to keep the gossip about the King’s death trapped in the cells beneath the Keep.
Right now both Otto and Alicent need to find Aegon first, and so it’s time for the First Annual Father-Daughter Fleabottom Competitive Chase Event!
The Target: Aegon Targaryen - Notorious Soak, Reluctant Ruler and Window Wanker.
In the Green Corner: Alicent Hightower - Queen, Fashion Maven and Pissed-Off Momager.
Represented by: Sworn Kingsguard and Incel Ser Criston Cole BOOOO and Second Son and Patrick Bateman Wannabe Aemond One-Eye.
In…well, the Other Green Corner: Otto Hightower - Hand of the King, Tactician and Granddad.
Represented by: Ser Erryk and Ser Arryk, or wait, was that Ser Arryk and Ser Erryk?
Last week I commented on how much I loved Ser Erryk correcting Queen Alicent on his name when she called him Arryk. I just thought that was a blunder on her part, but no… they are TWINS! And HOT TWINS to boot!
Hot, INTROSPECTIVE twins!
You are asking for trouble with names like Erryk and Arryk. Imagine if they were in Melbourne. Victorians already pronounce “e” sounds like “a” - for example, it’s “A-leven o’clock” so it would be even harder to distinguish one hot bro from the other.
Mind you, given the dearth of hunky man talent in this episode, and given Arryk and Erryk turn out to have consciences, I am quite willing to be the meat in a “RRYK” sandwich and I don’t really care which slice of bread hits first.
Anyway, let the hunt for Aegon begin!
These pairs comb the seedy streets of the city’s underbelly, with Ser Criston and Aemond stopping first at a brothel Aegon took Aemond to celebrate his 13th birthday.
“He said it was time to ‘get it wet’,” Aemond explains of his brother. “All women are reflections of The Mother, to be treated with reverence.” Bloody hell, next he’ll be calling women Stacys and Beckys.
The madam recognises Aemond underneath his cloak - the eyepatch is even more of a giveaway than the blond hair - but says Aegon isn’t there. Old mate doesn’t even bother with the Street of Silk anymore. His tastes have… developed.
“How you’ve grown,” she purrs at Aemond, who throws out one of his classic “hmmms” in response.
Aemond is giving off big FML vibes during his masked march around King’s Landing. He sees Aegon as the world’s greatest f***-up, and has deliberately positioned himself as the polar opposite. While Aegon “sinks into his cups”, Aemond is busy training, reading, studying, muttering under his breath, and stalking around the palace with a chip the size of New Zealand on his shoulder.
Ser Criston Cole gets it, saying he knows what it’s like to struggle for things other people get handed to them. Aemond says if his brother doesn’t turn up, he wouldn’t be adverse to the job.
Ser Criston Cole gets it, saying he knows what it’s like to struggle for things other people get handed to them.
Meanwhile Arryk and Erryk have found their way to a particularly charming hovel somewhere deep in Fleabottom. The place is a nightmarish sous vide of repellent child exploitation and sleazy gambling, where pre-teens have their teeth filed and nails sharpened and sent in to kill each other. Apparently, it was Aegon’s fave hangout.
Listen I know I was delighted by the CHILD FIGHT! during the Driftmark episode, but those were the gilded sons of plenty. I don’t mind seeing the children of vast privilege get their faces slammed in the dirt a bit. It’s good for them. I’m not so heartless that I enjoy watching orphans forced to fight for food. Even if it is probably a more realistic depiction of what Oliver Twist, the Artful Dodger and the rest of Fagin’s cheeky rascals were getting up to.
“Consider yourself…part of a brutal child exploitation system.”
You’ll have to confuse me if I get the twins wrong here, because the names are so awfully alike, but Erryk seems to be the one sworn to watch Aegon, and therefore able to be ordered around and leave him alone. Arryk was the one who called attention to the rape in last week’s episode, and he seems to be the one who hates the little dickhead completely.
They discuss his lack of fitness to be King and point out that there’s at least one small child with suspiciously white hair hanging around the fighting pit. Finally a young woman who’s been tailing them for a few blocks steps forward and says the person who has Aegon is willing to talk - but will only pow-wow with someone high brow.
Let’s scooch back up to the Red Keep for a moment as Otto has gathered the high lords and ladies of the land to break the news of Viserys’ death, and ensure they bend the knee to Aegon.
The reactions are great. Most hit the deck immediately. Some, like Lord Caswell, waver. A couple even outright NOPE the idea. They restate their loyalty to Rhaenyra, one even saying “I am no oathbreaker”. That’s enough for Otto to have them escorted out of the room by guards, and for Caswell to err on the side of caution and bow.
Gosh I’m glad there’s no sign of the Starks in this scene. I’m just happy for them to be up at Winterfell, working on their farms, praying in the Godswood, chilling in the hot tub, just staying wholesome and far away from this place.
Alicent, meanwhile, has had some time to pin her hair up and watch Viserys’ body begin its final journey in the care of the Silent Sisters.
She decides to pop in to see Princess Rhaenys, still at court after the big Driftmark inheritance battle, but now locked in her room to prevent a hasty escape.
It’s pretty ballsy of Alicent to straight up ask Rhaenys to throw in a near two decade-long allegiance with Rhaenyra and back Aegon instead.
She flatters Rhaenys by saying the Iron Throne belonged to her, not Viserys, as he would have been better suited to a country life with his plaster models, and painting, and books. But she says supporting the daughter of the man who took her job has cost her enough. She blames Corlys’s ambition for the death of their two children and Rhaenyra’s sons not being Laenor’s.
Rhaenys asks about her dragon, and Alicent admits getting Meleys onto Team Green would even up the dragon numbers and perhaps give Rhaenyra pause before flying in and wrecking the joint.
Rhaenys now has a ballsy question in return - which is why is Alicent always doing the bidding of men? Otto, Viserys, now Aegon.
“You desire not to be free, but to make a window in the wall of your prison. Have you never imagined yourself on the Iron Throne?”
It’s a beautifully played scene, and gives Alicent a good dose of reality. She needs to see herself as a good person, or at least a morally justified one. Rhaenys’ support would bolster that; but the Queen That Never Was has no intention of giving her the satisfaction. If Alicent wants to play the Game of Thrones, she needs to understand she’s playing dirty.
Alicent’s Dad is grilling anothe noble - Lord Caswell. The poor guy almost managed a sneaky escape from the palace grounds but was pulled from his horse at the last moment. He lies and says he has no love for Princess Rhaenyra, but is unable to come up with a convincing excuse for wanting to leave the castle and is carried off to await punishment.
It was Lord Larys who saw Caswell trying to bunk off, and dobbed him in because he’s a SMUG MUG BUG THUG. Otto remarks that Larys has been spending a lot of time with the Queen, to which Larys responds “There’s no reason those hours could not, in the end, benefit you.”
Jam a hook in that, because I’m starting to smell something fishy.
Otto has somehow found the time to pop down to Fleabottom to join Arryk and Erryk and meet the White Worm for information on Aegon’s whereabouts.
Magical Mysaria Tour has the Prince safely tucked away somewhere, but will give him up for an end to the child-fighting exploitation we saw earlier, which she says is ignored or worse, encouraged by the Crown. This was great - but Mysaria only settled for an “I’ll look into it” from Otto. I suppose he also handed over a fat sack of coin, so that must have been enough incentive.
Mysaria entreats Otto to remember the only power one has is that which the people let one take. “I’ll remember,” promises Otto, unconvincingly. The dude has a full-on coup underway, I daresay he thinks he could take anything he wants at this point.
Nonetheless, Arryk and Erryk make their way to the Sept of Baelor, where they find the coughing and recalcitrant Aegon hiding under an altar. He is unhappy, possibly still drunk, and tries to escape their grasp. “You flee what other men die seeking, Aegon,” says one of the twins.
The twins have acquired the target, but unfortunately for them when they leave the Sept, they’re held up by Ser Criston and Prince Aemond. The pair who spotted the market pow-wow between Otto, Mysaria and the twins, and followed them, like a sneaky Amazing Race team who win by cunning, not running.
Aegon takes advantage of the surprise and bolts, but is chased down by the clearly physically superior Aemond while Ser Criston duels Erryk. He calls for Arryk to help, but the brother keeps his distance. Eventually Ser Criston disarms Erryk (with his sword; certainly not his personality).
Aegon giggles madly as Aemond roughs him up, telling him he rather hoped Aegon wouldn’t be found. Aegon spits in his face, and after Aemond roughs him up some more, Aegon initiates the last ploy of a scoundrel - bargaining. “Let me go, and I’ll find a ship and sail way, never to be found.”
You can see Aemond take a moment to mull over the idea. It would solve the problem he was just complaining about: that he’s the brother one better suited to ruling. Hell, he’d probably even ENJOY being married to his own sister.
But Ser Criston claps Aegon on the back, saying “The Queen is waiting”.
Having won the Father-Daughter Fleabottom Pursuit, it’s Alicent’s turn to pursue terms with Otto.
The room is icy as she rejects the idea it was a game, and Otto rejects the idea that it wasn’t.
Attempting to warm the air, he calls on her sense of familial duty, to remember they’re allies and their hearts are as one. But Alicent has wised up, and says she was only ever a piece Otto moved around the board. She didn’t specify WHICH board, because it’s Westeros and who the hell knows whether chess exists here, or what other game they might be referring to.
Again, I couldn’t help but feel for Alicent as she bitterly remembered her adolescence, and how she had all the riches a girl could ask for - except personal autonomy.
Yes, Otto made her Queen, but at a price, which now has to be paid. Otto calls her “squeamish” about the small matter of executing Rhaenyra and her children, to which Alicent utters one of the most sensible - and darkly funny - lines of the series:
“Reluctance to murder is not a weakness!”
It’s hard to know exactly how Otto receives this bit of common decency, but he certainly looks taken aback by it.
Alicent has the upper hand now, and plays it. She has Aegon under her protection, and she will dictate what happens next. They will send terms to Rhaenyra that allow her to withdraw and save face, staying away from the mainland to keep her allies from massing behind her. She says Viserys would want courtesy extended to his daughter.
“Viserys?” questions Otto, “or YOU, her childhood companion?” He’s again pressing on that weak spot she has for her former teenage bestie, but Alicent doesn’t let it get to her this time.
Aegon is to be crowned at dawn, in front of as many people as possible. He will wear Aegon the Conqueror’s crone, and carry his sword Blackfyre, to remind the punters of the strength of House Targaryen. Criston Cole will be Lord Commander of the Kingsguard.
When she’s finished, Otto does that creepy thing where he stares at her with a mix of admiration and surprise, and compares her to her late mother. Tired and done, Alicent exits.
I have to give Olivia Cooke massive kudos for this next moment. “Gosh that lady looks like she needs a big ol’ drink,” I said aloud as Alicent walked into her own chamber. I then laughed hysterically as she went straight to a table and poured herself a big drink. It was from a rather large jug, so it might have been water, but geez, I hope it was sangria.
Alicent’s expression was also priceless when the skin-crawling voice of Lord Larys peeped up from behind her. This is the last thing she needs right now, and when he says he has new information for her, she looks like she wants nothing more than to run out of the room.
Larys moves his club foot gently around to the front of a bench and sits, asking if Alicent wondered how her father found Aegon first. With a resigned sigh, she sits on the bench opposite.
And Larys glances at her feet.
With another sigh, Alicent slips her feet out of her green slippers, and places them on the table between them. Larys discloses that Otto has been using a spider’s web of spies embedded deep in the Red Keep… all while staring at the pretty white socks with Hightower embroidery displayed so fetchingly in front of him.
“And this weaver watches me?” Alicent asks.
And Larys stares at her. “Ummm….” he says, needing some sort of prompt to continue.
Alicent removers her socks, and places her now-naked feet back onto the table. Larys looks at them like I’d look at a bamboo basket full of freshly-made xiao long bao.
Larys reveals even he doesn’t know the extent of the whisper network, but says it can be dismantled by cutting it off at the head. Alicent looks… tired. “I assume this task falls within your expertise?” she asks. “If you wish it, it will be done.”
Alicent sits back on the bench and moves her feet to its green velvet cover… and Lord Larys Strong goes for his pants.
We see now in full, terrible glory what Alicent’s deal with Larys has entailed, and it turns out to be a SMUG MUG BUG SLUG TUG.
No doubt there was a lot of chatter about this pedi-pact, but I for one was creeped out in a delightful way. First, because Sex and the City did this plot line for the season two episode La Douleur Exquise!, when Charlotte meets a shoe store foot fetishist.
But more importantly, because it sees the full change in Alicent from the first time Lord Larys did something for her. She was shocked when she realised he’d disposed of his own family to help her. Now she’s acknowledges he’s going to murder someone with nothing more than tired resignation.
The only constant is her disgust at herself. To play the game she has to make sacrifices, and one imagines the fetish potential in the corridors of power could be so much worse.
In honour of this scene, I’ve written another parody song. This time, you’ll want to crank up the Aerosmith and get… clapping.
Kink, I’ve got a confession
Kink, it’s a sexy transgression
Kink you might tell me to shove it
‘But Kink it’s your feet that I covet
Kink, we are excellent plotters
Kink, with my brain and your trotters
Kink, I can see that this rankles
But for me it’s worth it to see ankles
Kink, if I had half a chance
Yeah, kink, I’d make these dragons dance
And kink what a weird circumstance
And I think this could be a good ongoing romance
I’ve got a footlong in my pants
You can be all coquettish
‘Cause kink is a strong primal fetish
Kink from your heel to patella
It’s Kink, you’re tasty like Nigella
Kink, I know I am a creep
Kink, ‘cause I do more than peep
Yeah, Kink I make the bald man weep
And I think if I were you I would not sleep
When I’m dragging my heels in the Red Keep
I think shoes are gift wrapping
I want to look and get fapping
Kink, peel those socks off like onions
Kink let me buff down your bunions
Kink, that’s the way that it goes
Kink, I’ll be sniffing your toes
Kink, jizzing on your green clothes
And I think everybody is starting to know
You’re stuck in a self-made horrorshow
Nobody seems to get much sleep that night, despite the big day ahead, as we see Aegon, Otto, Aemond and Alicent all pondering the events to come.
Rhaenys too - although her non-slumber is interrupted by Ser Arryk, who breaks into her chamber, tosses her a cloak and sneaks her out of the palace. They pass the skull of Balerion the Black Dread, and take the same sneaky way out that Rhaenyra used to to go partying with Daemon all those years ago.
Now remember when I said that Larys’ chat with Otto about his hours spent with Alicent could help him also? As Arryk leads Rhaenys through the streets in the pre-dawn, they pass a large villa half ablaze.
I think this is Magical Mysaria’s home, and this is Larys’ effort to cut the spy network off at the head. Given that he used fire to take out his own family, and his sigil is Firefly, I’m pretty confident with this one.
But where I feel even more Sherlockian is in the realisation that yes, Otto was using information provided by Mysaria’s spies. But now Mysaria wants something in return - the end of child fighting in Fleabottom. Plus, she knows how much of a douche Aegon is, and so her usefulness has now likely been supplanted by her potential as a threat. Otto doesn’t need those hanging over his head going into a new era of monarchy (or “interfering with his coup” if you want some straight talk).
So is Lord Larys working for Alicent still, or now the Hand? Or both? Or neither? And more importantly, did Otto have to slip his Birkenstocks off for Lookie Larys as well?
Back to the streets, Rhaenys begs the Kingsguard Arryk to take her to the dragon pits so she can rescue her dragon Meleys. But he says she’ll be caught there, and needs to head to the docks and get a ship out of Blackwater Bay.
Unfortunately, they get caught up in the crush of crowds being herded by the City Watch towards the coronation.
Now I must admit I got confused here; I thought the coronation was happening in the Sept, but my podcasting buddy Stuart Layt pointed out that it was the dragon pit itself.
So it makes sense that even though Rhaenys loses Ser Arryk in the crowd, when she sees where they’re headed, she smiles.
Alicent is with Aegon in the royal carriage, and she’s trying desperate to buck up his spirits. Aegon is as emo as any teenager you might have met in 2007. He’s convinced this shouldn’t be happening, that Rhaenyra is the heir, and that Viserys didn’t like him. Alicent is forced to confess Viserys’ deathbed “confession” - and show him the Cat’s Paw dagger.
This seems to give Aegon some food for thought, but then he ruins it by asking “Do you love me?” to which Alicent replies “You imbecile”. She meant it in a cute mocking way, but for realsies that is the first completely true statement she’s ever made about her son.
It seems like tens of thousands of smallfolk have poured into the dragon pit for the coronation, and yet again Otto has really warmed up his voice to hit the ears of those up in the second, third and fourth balcony levels without amplification.
The Hand begins by announcing the death of “Viserys the Peaceful”, to many surprised sound effects. He then says it’s a happy day because the departing spirit of the King wished for Aegon to be his successor.
There’s a pause… then applause.
A guard of City Watch members forms to salute Aegon as he strolls into the room, trumpets blaring like it’s the archery tournament in a Robin Hood movie.
Technical credit where it’s due - the swelling of the theme music (I think it’s a variation on the “Blood of the Dragon” theme, but I could be wrong) during the procession combined with the muted colour palette gives the sequence a regal ominousness.
But possibly better even than those was the ambient sound effects that underscored the ceremony itself, which had no music. Instead, it was the awkward coughs and shuffling in place of thousands of people as they watched the High Septon anoint Aegon with oils.
Finally, it was Ser Criston Cole, who for reasons unknown to me was the one tasked with placing Aegon the Conqueror’s iron crown down on Wanky Aeggy’s head. Aemond in particular looked somewhat cheesed off at the moment.
But for Aegon himself, it was the beginning of a transformation. His family members, the Septons, his guards, even Otto, all bowed to him, before the High Septon presented him with full titles to the crowd. As the bells tolled, and Ser Criston hailed him “Aegon the King!” the crowd started roaring approval.
And that’s when Aegon felt it.
APPROVAL.
All we’ve ever heard from him was that nothing he did ever seemed right for his parents, or they picked on him, blah blah sob sob. He didn’t want to rule because nobody ever gussied him up enough for it. To coin another charming Australian phrase, nobody ever pissed in his pocket.
And now, here he is. Standing in front of a gajillion people, all eyes on him, clapping, cheering and yelling his name. And he didn’t have to do anything for it.
He pulls out Blackfyre, the ancient sword, and thrusts it in the air, earning cheers every thrust. Then he stands, his hands outstretched, in a “Look at me, I’m Jesus” pose if ever I saw one.
Maybe after everything, maybe after all that drama growing up, Aegon was just… a theatre kid.
He lives for the applause.
I mean, as a theatre kid myself I don’t want to tarnish us all with the same “masturbate out of a window” brush, but then I have been to a lot of what I might term “wanky” productions, so, swings and roundabouts.
Perhaps then, he’s a frustrated theatre kid.
And it’s my opinion that frustrated theatre kids - those who were forced into dull jobs that tried to suppress their inner drama queen - can be dangerous when unleashed. I wouldn’t be surprised if we find out one day all of Donald Trump’s destructive tendencies stem from being rejected for his high school production of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”. He didn’t get to be Bottom; so he became an Arsehole.
So forget the crown and sword - Aegon’s just been handed the biggest STAGE in the Seven Kingdoms. He is going to take his standing ovation.
And that’s the end of the - BOOOOMMMMMM!!!!
Ahhhhhh, now Helena’s “there’s a beast beneath the boards” becomes clear.
Rhaenys sneaked off during the ceremony and found her way to her dragon (despite Arryk’s earlier claims she’d be stopped by guards - I guess they also went upstairs for the fun stuff). She also found her shiny dragon-riding battle outfit too, which was nice.
And then she had Meleys break through the floor of the dragon pitt - which surely must have some amount of stone in it - and absolutely f*** s*** up for dozens if not hundreds if not thousands of people. Seriously, bodies went a-flying as Meleys turned around, stomping and squealing.
People and guards outside tried to shut the great doors; Otto demanded they be kept open, to allow people to escape.
Alicent had asked Rhaenys to ring the bell when she’d decided what course of action to take; this is quite the ding-dong. She shoves Ser Criston out of the way, telling him to protect Helena, then steadies herself in front of her newly-crowned son.
She and Rhaenys share a stare, before Alicent seems to reconcile herself to a fiery doom. It says a lot that she seemed to quickly accept retributive justice; I suppose staring down the face of a giant scaly beast would make your guilty actions jump to the front of your mind and elicit an “Oh yeah, I probably deserve this.”
But Rhaenys doesn’t flick the giant Bic between her legs (oo-er). Instead, Meleys lets out a terrific roar that someone makes the viewer smell the intensity of dragon breath.
Imagine the amount of Listerine you’d need to rinse out that mouth. On second thoughts, there’s probably too many flammable chemicals in Listerine and the dragon would set themselves on fire. Well, it’s going to have to be a really big TicTac.
Rhaenys turns Meleys around (turning circle of a Pacific Island nation) and flies off.
Now clearly Rhaenys could have ended the coup d’tat right then by flame-grilling the Greens faction to very well done. She didn’t, and as I understand there’s some angst that the show took that liberty with the source material.
Personally? I loved the big dragon go boom/badass female warrior moment. I loved that she looked Alicent in the eye, and I read her expression as “I have chosen my side.” Given Alicent was concerned about uneven numbers of dragons, there was also a touch of “Remember, I ride a dragon. You don’t.” in Rhaenys stare.
But also, Rhaenys had told Alicent she wasn’t as stupid as she’d previously thought, so perhaps sparing her in this moment was a sign of respect. Perhaps it was a challenge - maybe Alicent will think more about her own goals rather than all those bloody men.
Or maybe she just didn’t want to be known as “The Queen Who Never Was But Also Roasted The New King and a Whole Bunch of Other Targaryens”.
And yes, I understand this doesn’t extend to the amount of smallfolk she must have killed by busting through the floor like that.
Thus ends our all-Greens penultimate episode, with next week’s finale to focus on the Blacks.
It is wonderful to be in this soup of mixed feelings about where one’s allegiances should sit. There are no wholly good people to throw your support behind. We’re all going to make choices, and deal with the consequences of our choices.
Excuse the brashness, but I saw this meme and thought it really was very appropriate.
Yay! Best Moments
Did I mention the cool lady on the dragon bursting through the floor?
Zing! Best Lines
Ser Larys explaining to Alicent his plan to cut off the spy network from the head:
“When the Queen dies, the bees fly around with no purpose. Begging your pardon for the turn of phrase, Your Grace.”
Ewww, gross
I mean, the feet thing, sure.
But there was a really spooky moment when Arryk was escorting Rhaenys through the Great Hall in the Red Keep. Rhaenys looked up to see Lord Caswell just hanging there, dead. He’d been dragged off earlier, of course, but we didn’t see his execution. To be hanged right there and left is a clear warning to all other members of court to fall in line, bend the knee, and hope like hell they don’t come for you.
Boo, sucks
ONLY ONE EPISODE LEFT!
Thank you so much for reading, kittens! Remember you can find my Patreon here and sign up to throw a few bucks per month my way while the season is running. The support is incredible, and I cannot thank you enough!