Oh.
Oh, kittens. Oh, my sweet summer children.
Was it good for you?
Two and a half years since Game of Thrones ended, and yet even I didn’t realise the SIZE of the GAPING HOLE I had that NEEDED to be FILLED.
I refer to, of course, the first official teaser trailer for the HBO Game of Thrones spin-off House of the Dragon.
Sure, an official Twitter account had been established, and costumed cast photos published. Tabloid rags ran ragged with long-distance paps of actors toodling about on set in Cornwall; articles written about following Covid safe filming practices and what not.
And yet, it was only when I saw this teaser, a mere EIGHT minutes after it went live (I happened to check Twitter at an opportune moment), that my heart, gut and loins FLIPPED.
It. Is. Real.
By fire and blood, it is REAL.
We are getting more Game of Thrones, I mean, not actual Game of Thrones, but like, still Game of Thrones, c’mon, you know what I mean here.
It has been a long time since I penned my final recap for Season 8, Episode 6, and much water has passed along the Trident since. Much of it bloody and tainted. Some people really didn’t like that finale, y’all.
But I hope, I really do hope, that the teaser flicks the Dracarys switch on your brain and parts beyond as it did to me. I hope that we can be erotically charged together once more, wrapping ourselves in the twinkling web of Westeros, touching each other sensually while I lob in occasional knob jokes.
Because, oh yes, did I not mention?
In my ongoing quest for relevancy in an overly-saturated world of pop culture commentary, I FULLY intend to recap THE SHIT out of House of the Dragon.
I’d say I was back, but we all know I never really left. I’m still in 2019, riding high on your love of my long, winding wordplay, recording live podcasts with my best bud Stu, popping up on Foxtel (“DRINK!”) and doing my first-ever one woman show about Game of Thrones and the impact its had on my life, plus a sword fight and an embarrassing story about meeting Jason Mamoa.
Eighteen months after Pestilence split from the Four Horsemen to launch his own Vanguard Apocalypse tour, 2019 sure seems like halcyon days.
But let us call House of the Dragon HBOtox, in the sense that it will fill the fine lines and rejuvenate all of our weary features.
This teaser alone already felt like it set me on the path of Jennifer Lopez-level backwards ageing. I felt… something again. Not just… a slight hope… but also… OUT AND OUT FRICKING JOY.
So I hope it was good for you too, kittens. Let’s crack our knuckles and investigate this teaser.
I must state straight up that I’m purposely trying to keep my knowledge of the Targaryen back story that inspired this series is fairly limited.
I actually own the Fire & Blood book George R.R. Martin wrote outlining the Targaryen dynasty - yes, another book he did instead of finishing the A Song of Ice and Fire series - but I’ve not read it yet. Initially that was due to being time-poor, but once the House of the Dragon series got announced, I decided I would leave it.
I’d like to go into the series the same way I went into Game of Thrones - with very little clue as to what’s going on but very interested in all the hot medieval people and Sean Bean. Obviously no Mr Bean this time around, but I can mostly forgive that.
I know that this is set 200 years before the events of Game of Thrones, so 100 years into the Targaryen Dynasty. I know that it’s about a civil war between competing Targaryen factions that is canonically known as “The Dance of Dragons”, because nobody in Westeros can ever be blunt, it was hardly a “song” of ice and fire, but that’s Sam Tarly for you.
“I like stories.”
Former Doctor Who and Prince Phillip Matt Smith is playing Prince Daemon Targaryen, the younger brother of King Viserys I. It’s Smith’s voice we hear playing over the teaser, intoning “Gods. Kings. Fire. Blood. Dreams didn’t make us kings. Dragons did.”
THEY SURE DID, BUDDY. THEY SURE DID.
Possibly the most intriguing aspect of House of the Dragon for me is how they will incorporate dragons into the series without the dragons becoming… well, boring is probably the worst result. The thrill of Drogon in action over the loot train raid in the Blackwater Rush, or all three wreaking havoc on Slavers’ Bay, may not tingle as much if we see dragon battles every episode.
(I deliberately avoided mentioning Drogon flaming King’s Landing, why did you have to bring that up in your immediate thoughts, kittens? Shush now).
Hopefully a limited CGI budget will ensure dragons are used sparingly and effectively.
Anyway, Doctor Daemon seems to be our Executive in Charge of Brooding, at least for now. It’s weird having a platinum blond man brood. Platinum blonds are supposed to be happy people who get given money a lot just to smile. Still, I’m OK to lean into a Daemon Darcy.
He’s accompanied on a beach by his niece, whose name I’m guaranteeing you now I will inadvertently misspell at least four times per recap. Rhaenyra. RAY-EN-RA is I believe is how it’s pronounced.
Please, PLEASE try not to have sex with each other, you relatives.
She’s our Dany substitute this time around - the daughter of the King (a Viserys, too! Number 1, that is), but one who may or may not have a clear path to the Iron Throne.
Speaking of which, HOLY MOSES DID YOU SEE THE IRON THRONE?
Den of Geek handily pulled the comparison together!
It’s fascinating to see how the chair’s evolved… or rather, devolved. Many an article has been written about how the Iron Throne in the books is way bigger, spikier and all-round nastier than the polished version in Game of Thrones. Here they’ve shoved some more swords all around it, creating a runway of sorts up to the main seat.
We see a hand clasping a Hand of the King brooch, so even though we didn’t see a face that will be Set Otto Hightower, King Viserys’ right-hand man. How many times can I write “hand” in one sentence? You’ll have to give me a… clap.
I like the added touch of grimy nails.
I believe we get a glimpse of his daughter Lady Alicent, looking troubled. She’s holding a dagger in her right hand that looks SUSPICIOUSLY like Arya’s fave stabby stick from GoT. It was Valyrian steel, after all. She’s running away from or past some KingsGuard.
The coolest-looking crew in the teaser seem to be the Velaryons, led by Uber-punk Corlys, aka “The Sea Snake”. They seem to be a bitching mix of mover and shaker types - I’m thinking a Lannisters meet the Martells vibe? Game of Thrones copped criticism about being mostly white people, which is fair as ALL races, colours and creeds are capable of tedious court intrigue about lines of succession and land rights. It’s such a gorgeous design choice to have a dark-skinned Old Valyrian family rocking sweet blonde dreads. Yes, I will be objectifying them in this, I remain entirely immature and an equal opportunity creeper.
As typical in a teaser there are quick cutaways and glimpses of bigger things, such as a big sword, a banquet, some down and dirty fighting in front of some sort of fire, a mysteriously hot dark-haired chick, a temple altar with candles (it was a dark frame but it flashed up as the VoiceOver said “Gods” so that’s what I’m going with), and a tourney that looks like it could have some really fricking sweet violence, I mean, jousting, but also, violence.
It’s the Choice of an Older Generation.
Obviously as someone trying not to be spoiled I don’t want to guess too much at the broader context for those scenes, but their inclusion hinted at great energy and tension to come. WHICH IS WHAT WE WANT. “Edging in Westeros”, that’s what I want from this series.
Visual feast aside, I think I got the biggest zing of excitement aurally from this teaser - they way the orchestra segued into the Targaryen motif from Game of Thrones. It’s a glorious piece of Ramin Djawadi brilliance, which captures what I describe as sort of a “soaring melancholy”. It speaks to this House as having seemingly impossible strength and power, but fatal flaws. Just a few notes of it near the end of the teaser raised the hairs on the back of my neck to the point where I seriously considered whether I need to wax them.
All in all, a ripsnorter of a teaser and one that has me begging for the satisfaction of a full trailer. The fact there’s a bunch of stuff in there that I just have NO idea about is so deeply thrilling for me. It probably makes for less detailed recaps at this stage, but kittens, isn’t discovering our HBOgenous zones together what we do best?
Thank you SO much for reading, kittens!
A special thank you to all of my fair Patreon members, who have kept me going in more ways than one this past 18 months. I love you, you sexy treasures.
Also - the one-man wonder that is Stuart Layt and I recorded an emergency Raven On classic min-episode about the trailer, in which you can hear BOTH of us delight in our impending return to Westeros.